My name is Tony... Tony Montana.
Hehe. Anyways! Well today's a strange day. No sleep... nothing but caffeine and sugar in my system.
You wanna talk about bubbly and totally hyper? Yeah, thats me right now, Im typing at like a mile a minute here. Give me an hour I'll be in Tennessee.
So today's kind of a dreary day, rainy and shizzle. All Im hoping is that the friggin crack in the roof of my car wont leak in too much rain. Just as long as the seats arent wet, I'll be happy.
*does a little dance*
Well let me see here, what else do I have to say? Hmmm...
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
Hehe ok enough of this. I go now. Bye!
Well this past week has been fun! Heh. Ive been working my ass off, running here and there, doing just about everything under the sun. Ive been driving, Ive been working, Ive been singing, Ive been dancing.... crying, laughing, jumping, swaying, running, sitting, laying down, rolling, falling, tripping... Just about anything you can imagine... any action... any feeling. Ive felt it.
Ive been spending the past week thinking. About a lot of things... Trying to figure myself out. Up until last week, I thought I was getting close to being in perfect connection with my emotions... then it seemed like someone jerked the rug out from under my feet. Twas very strange... every predictable little indiosyncratic mannuerism has been polarized. I feel like a totally different person. Its a good feeling really. Its just unnerving... you know... because Im not acting like myself.
In between all this inner... peace... self exploration.... crap, Ive also been filming a movie. Yay!
Its quite interesting... I never knew that I could get paid to dance with really hot girls, all day long, and get filmed doing it. Its fantastic! Its like... I'll start to get paid for things that I do for fun!
Heh, Im saying all this like I didnt know what was in store for me in my career. Im saying like I wasnt ready to have fun. Funny how you can be conditioned to believe that just because you call it work... that it isnt going to be fun.
I need to get over that... cause Im having a blast!
I still have close to a month's worth of filming to do for the movie... and I turn 21 coming up this month! Wooo!
A great b-day present is the fact that my tv show will start filming in October. So I'll have all new "work" to play around with!
Mmm, well, Im at work, and I should probably start doing my job instead of this, so I should leave.
Farewell! Goodbye! Ciao! Hasta Luego! And of course... See Ya Bitches!!
Ahem, yes. Well. I do have a livejournal, and I didnt forget about it despite popular belief. Im just busy is all... busy with what you say? Why with showbiz baby YEAH! The show is... oh how do you say... ON FULL GREEEN LIGHT!! The script is written, the sponsors are assembled, and the camera crew will be hired within the week. The show is in full swing, next week the contracts will be drawn and signed, and to top things off, Im totally busy with other prospects as well... A certain cartoon company wants to have an interview with me, and Ive been going to quite a few movie auditions. And well... by the end of the year, we'll know whether the show's getting signed onto a network or not.
Im telling you, Ive been so on edge the past few days. Ive been bouncing off the walls. Im too excited about this. And I should be, because Im going to be the co-star of a sitcom. HA! Well anyways, Im getting ahead of myself. One step at a time... one day at a time. Hehehe. But who knows perhaps in about 5 years, my name will a household name like, Kevin Space, or Diane Keaton, or maybe even as famous as Christopher Walken!!! Wait... no no... now Im being too optimistic. No one could reach the Walken status... no one!
Anyways! NINJA VANISH!!!!
Howdy journal! Well, its Saturday, and Im at work. Yay. This week's been a little crazy. All kind's of shit has been going on; some good... some bad.
Oh well, Cest La Vie right? I think I spelled that right... anyways...
Almost the whole rest of the household is going to Belshair in Asheville this weekend. So that means that every time I come home to the house... I'll be practically alone!
Now of course, Nathan is home, but hey, I dont mind his company at all. At least whenever things go wrong at the house he doesnt blame me ;-)
Aw well enough of that babble. I got to make a voiceover tape the other day... Its interesting, a voiceover tape is like an audition without having to go anywhere. I like it. Had to use my radio voice a bit, and then of course, had to show off my wonderful talent at warping my voice into certain characters.
We sent the tape off to an animation company, hopefully, they'll hire me as a voice actor. But who knows eh?
Well anyways, its getting to be towards that time where I get to leave. Woohoo! So I shall bid you adieu journal! Adieu!
This poem was inspired by a song that I heard... in fact, its an answer to, or... an echo of if you will.
You've always been the one who makes me happy
A vision of you always enters my mind
For so long you've been the reason Ive been living
You are the reason for my smile
I feel so lonely
And I know Im not the only one
To ever feel this way
I love you so much
That I think Im going insane
They say that everyone needs somebody
And I would say they're right
Everybody needs someone
With a love just as unique as themselves
And your's is the only love I want
I feel so lonely
And I know Im not the only one
To ever carry on this way
I love you much
I lose track of time, track of the days
Its not what you have
Its what you've given me
Its not the life you've chosen
Its about the life you live
Its what you've got
Its what you've given
Although I already posted today, I felt inspired to do this...
Wandering the whithered waste of a wrestless world.
Seeking somber serenity in a souless space.
Forever foraging for purpose without ever fairing
Temptations forever taunt the tattered will of the troupe
The souls that wander, will walk forever without rest
Neverending ethereal woe
My own soul cries out to those who have lost
As I lose myself again
Somewhere within my own existence
Enshrouded by my own shortcomings
Will I ever find the way?
Will I ever find the answer?
Yesterday was an interesting day. I got to go see a hotspot nightclub in progress, because... get this, I know the owner! HA! Now, can you say Nate's gonna be partying soon? Hehe. The place looks awesome, and once it opens, I'll get my very own members card to get in, and rock out! I cant wait, should be fun! At least it'll give me something to do on those days when Im bored shitless of Mo-town and the big G Alpine. Plus with the sitcom thing going on... Im already known in Hickory........
......... Wait a second......
Im a celebrity in my home town now! Holy shitake! Wow, I never really thought about that before.
You know, I really havent thought about the consequences of this whole sitcom thing at all. What will happen to me... for me, and around me. I had people coming up to me yesterday in the mall, talking to me about the show, wanting to know whats happening with it... And well when me and Jason were riding around in his 79 Vette convertible, ladies would just pull up next to us and throw their panties into our laps. Now, Im a pretty modest guy around women, I seriously had no idea how to handle that. And if this is going to happen a lot... then I really need to start getting a grip on things. I dunno, call me conceited, but I dont know if I'll be able to handle this attention. Ive never been the full blown social butterfly before...
Heh, as it turns out, I might be having to do the most acting for this sitcom, off camera, whenever Im just hanging around.
Sheesh, talk about a weird turn of events.
Oooo man, talk about irony. Our new roommate Brent has broken up with his girlfriend... well actually that happened weeks ago... but still. His girlfriend doesnt know that he's living with us... he's.. "on the lamb" so to speak from his friends. Being that as it is... Brent's girlfriend, Sheila, is a regular customer at the store. And there in lies the rub. Sheila... has her eye on someone new... someone Brent knows... and is friends with. That someone is me. ARGH!!! So now, I have my roommate's ex humping on my leg, and asking me to come "hang at her place" all the time.
Why? Why cant I get a girl to like me without any complications? That shit aint fair dammit! I mean... technically Brent shouldnt care... because he dumped her. But, I also know that by going forward, I jeopardize his and my friendship. Plus I have to live with him. What to do... what to do? I mean, I really like Sheila, she's smart, funny, sexy, cute... she's just a damn good woman. Urgh. Moral decisions blow. Seriously. I mean.. where does the line of being a good friend end... and being a normal guy begins? I dont wanna betray Brent, and I dont want to piss him off... But dammit, if the girl wants to get with me... why deny her what she wants?
Oh damn, that sounded horrible. That was kinda heartless. Grrrr!! Fuck! I hate hard decisions... especially ones that deal with my happiness. Hrm. Well this is something I'll definately have to meditate on. Whatever I decide... I hope it goes well.
Clouds of white... The bright shining day, and the dark sacred night, And I say to myself, what a wonderful world.
For the first time in a while, the depression has completely lifted. Hehe, after reading one email. God Its amazing what closure can do for you. Im ready to move on! READY FOR LIFE! WOOOOOO! Hehe Im such a damn good mood Ive been dancing like a maniac at work. Hell not even the customers that walked in on my rug cutting could wipe the smile off my face. Although what was in that email could have wrecked me hopelessly, I didnt let it. I took it as a sign that I should move on, that there's too much ahead of me to worry about whats behind me.
So I raise my glass... stein... whatever... Bottle of Cherry Pepsi: To the Future! Salut! WOOOO!!!!
I gave away something today I can never get back. I dont mind. Ive lost so much, it just fits into the pattern. I need to quit losing... losing my faith, my love, my composure... my patience. I just need to quit losing it all. Ive found all the crap in my life just kept building and building, despite my efforts to simplify. Thoreau was a moron... sure living simply is easy... Its getting things simplified thats the nightmare... I doubt Thoreau ever had to tell his wife that he didnt want to be with her anymore... No, that he couldnt be with her anymore. That to say another word to her would just remind him of how no matter how hard he tries, his failure is inevitable. Thoreau never had to go through with that... because he never put himself into that situation. He started out simple, and ended simply. Thoreau didnt dig himself a hole to get out of like most of us have.
I have to simplify, I have to relieve this pressure. So Im taking some time now... eliminating my complications... cutting off the emotional baggage. Now, I'll only have time for two things... Work and my friends. Nothing more, nothing less.... Simple, very simple. Two choices to work with, and no other choices to cloud my vision... no other drama to bring me down. No strong emotions that could take my heart for ransom again. Im done trying to deal with all this shit that probably wont help me even if I GET it settled. So Im ending it, cutting myself off from it, in time, I'll forget.
Time... the universal wound healer... five and half years and I still havent healed... I think time should study its first aid skills. But thats ok, Ive got plenty of time.. time to learn, time to live, time to worry about myself, and only myself. No more bullshit, no more complications... just me and my friends.... simple.